And Somehow I was The One Dying
by mychemicalbitchbot
Summary: Poker-pair one-shot. Allen just can't handle being with Tyki anymore.


**Bold is Allen's text**

_Italic is Tyki's text_

There was a pounding in his chest he couldn't explain, a build up of guilt and anguish as the tears left his eyes in silent rivers. It was the end of him, the end for him.

**I think it would be better if we were just friends. **

Those words ring through his ears, penetrating his skull and fragmenting his mind. He has his music on full blast, and even though the hairs in his ears don't grow back he continues to kill them with his blaring music. He said the words that haunt him so, yet even the screaming voice of Ronnie Radke and the heavy instrumentals won't take his mind off of the hour he just performed.

He loved his boyfriend, but that's the trick. He loved him, and that's it. He wasn't in love with him, as awful as it may sound. But it's undeniably true, a ringing in his ears that he just can't accept, can't drown out with loud noises and a screaming man.

It's just so… wrong.

It's not that Allen didn't want to be with his boyfriend… he just doesn't want to be with him like that. As amazing as Tyki is, all Allen can ever see them as is friends. When he first put his tongue in Tyki's mouth, he knew he was doing something wrong and something awful. But he couldn't bring himself to stop; he made tyki happy.

Allen never even really wanted to date Tyki; Tyki had asked and Allen had accepted, simple as that. There was a little spark, perhaps, but not much.

So when Tyki said 'I love you' after two days… Allen began to feel guilty. Began to feel the world collapsing back on him. So he_ lied. _

_"I… I love you too." _

Allen felt terrible about lying, but he wanted more than anything to make Tyki happy. He wanted Tyki to smile, wanted Tyki to enjoy himself. It didn't matter that Allen himself was being crushed inside, turned upside down and beaten with his own hand. It just wasn't fair, wasn't right. Saying you love someone when you do love them, but aren't _in _love with them.

It's cruel, what Allen was doing, but to Tyki as well as himself. So after two weeks of constant texting, ignoring the texts sent to him occasionally, Allen decided he was going to break up with Tyki. He asked his friend, Lenalee, to ask Tyki if he'd be terribly upset if Poker Pair ended, and she decided to find out.

That was really when Allen found out why he couldn't break up with Tyki. According to Lenalee, Tyki had been suicidal just before they started dating. He tried to kill himself.

So Allen was left wondering about how to end his relationship with his suicidal partner. It ate him up, chewed him through thoroughly and made his life a dead mess of hell for a while. He cut. He couldn't handle it.

So when Tyki texted him, saying he was stressed about something, Allen had to ask what.

_Us._

Was the response he got. He asked why, of course.

_I was talking to Road and IDK it was dumb._

Tyki wanted to say something, but wouldn't. So he asked again, in a indifferent voice that can only be achieved through text or Kanda-speak.

_It just seems like she doesn't expect us to last and it worries me._

Allen stared at his phone for a minute. It was such a good opportunity…

**Hm… She's probably right.**

He sent that text with a heavy heart.

_What do you mean?_

… **We said I love you too soon.**

_Sorry._

**It's fine. I mean, I love you, I'm just not in love with you.**

_Sorry :(_

**Stop apologizing.**

_:(_

**Actually… Would it break your heart if you asked if we could just be friends? **Allen's fingers fumbled with the keys, and he stared at the message before he sent it. When he finally hit send, he tried to pull the message back, keep it from sending.

_Probably I guess. _

**Hm… then forget I said anything. **

_No it's fine if you don't wanna I don't want you to feel like you have to be with me._

**I don't want you to be sad. I really don't.**

_It's fine, really. _

**Promise me you won't do anything stupid?**

_I promise._

**Good. Because I really, really don't want you to get hurt.**

And that was how it ended.

And somehow, Allen ended up being the one crying as he relived the moments he broke up with Tyki. Who knew it could hurt so much, even if you never really wanted it?

**So… If you read Simply Screaming, this is the scenario (well, change a few things) that has caused me not to update. I'm rewriting the 12th chapter, it should be up sometime this week. **

**Sorry. **


End file.
